The New Concept of Family

I grew up in a loving family - with a father, mother, sister and brother. A large part of my childhood was spent in Catholic boarding school, so I did not get to spend a lot of time at home. Vacations were something I looked forward to - time to go back home, eat Mom's cooking, sleep in late, road trips with my Dad, enjoy local cuisine, catch up with old friends and an overall sense of being pampered. Once I got married and moved to the U.S., I found myself slowly moving further away from my family. No one's fault really. Just the phase of growing up, taking responsibility for our own lives, new players in the family circle through marriage, jobs, moving away, etc.

It is 25 years since I moved to the U.S. While working in the U.S., I longed for a way to get back to living and working in Singapore so that I could re-establish my relationship with my mother, brother and sister. People kept telling me that it was not a wish that I should foster. Yet, this dream too came true. In 2001 I worked for a company that had offices in Singapore and I got to live and work there for a year. I got to know my mother, brother and sister better. It was great to take the train to work with my sister, to have lunch together, to be part of mundane everyday happenings in each other's lives.

Eventually, I found that regardless of how much I longed for a close and loving relationship, it was not something that was going to happen. We all grew apart again, misunderstandings and conflict ensued. It was an interesting dance to observe - we would be amicable for a while, then conflict would invariably occur, we drift apart, then come together again....and the cycle continued for years. An important lesson was gained from all of this experience. As human beings, we all have good and bad in us. When conflicts occur, if we could hold on to two thoughts, life would move on in a healthier way. 1) Problems occur because two or more people are involved, so each one must take responsibility for their part; and 2)immediately take time to think about all the good the other person has done to balance angry thoughts. You see, if we take responsibility, forgive others and ourselves and remember the good, it opens the door for compromise.

My new family is made of good friends - people who are on the same mental and spiritual journey as me. People who are willing and want to play this new relationship game. You see, I also realized something else. All parties need to want to play the same game. So, it is time to let go of the old with love, compassion and forgiveness and to bring in the new with a feeling of gratitude and joy. To have finally gotten to a point when I am surrounded by a family that showers me with love, support and respect. It is indeed a good place to be.

What about you? Have your relationships changed as you have grown older and moved on?

A Place, A Mirror And A Memory

A lot of our memories are tied to an event, a place, a song, a special dish, a favorite necklace... isn't it? In 2001, I was based in Honolulu and hubby was in San Francisco. In March of that year, hubby flew down to spend time with me. We decided to take a quick trip to Kona to do some house hunting.

One morning while in Kona, we went to see beautiful Kealakekua town. It is a historical little town, where Captain James Cook died. It also has some of Hawaii's most beautiful coral reefs. Browsing through the shops, we came across this eclectic gift shop (I can't remember the name). Incredible local art, like this dolphin mirror carved by a local artist.

As we were paying for this mirror, hubby's cell phone rings. It is news about his father passing away, he was 92. We were expecting it, but not so soon. The mirror now hangs in our entry way and every time I see it, I remember my father-in-law. He had an wonderful voice and sang in the church choir for years. I remember him taking singing lessons in his 80's. He was a positive, optimistic and happy man. Hubby and I went to see him a couple of months before he passed away and his last words to me were "Remember me". I don't believe that there is a chance of me forgetting him...ever!

An End To The Insomnia Diaries

Sigh...those were the days, when you saw blog posts every morning. Truth be told, those were part of my insomnia diaries. Here is how it was....

Time: 1:30 a.m. Tossing and turning, more tossing and turning, trying to meditate to calm my brain to no avail. Finally getting up and creeping out of the bedroom to the study. By the way, if you are an insomniac like me, get a Tempurpedic bed. It is the best solution, especially if you need to get in and out of bed many times a night without disturbing your partner. There was something about the quiet and stillness of the night - writing was especially free-flowing, the blog post ideas burst forth.

It is time for a change. As someone mentioned the other day, "don't let you body get used to doing things a certain way. You have to retrain it". So, on my birthday (in May), I made a new resolution. To retrain my body into doing what it used to do many years ago - get a full 8 hours of sleep! So, there you have it, another reason for not posting every day. This time, a really valid reason (grin).

It was also time to recharge, to get back the high level of energy that has been missing for years in my life. Have you noticed how as we get older, parts of our body break down like an old used equipment? Nothing major, but irritating little ailments that do nothing but....irritate! The holistic way is my approach. I am not into prescription drugs. I am trying some natural supplements this time around. My friends swear by them. I realize that there are a lot of pros and cons about any type of treatment (prescription or otherwise), so my best bet to do my own research and make an educated decision. Something to get rid of the toxins in my body and to build up my immune system. A little more magnesium at night to get me to relax and sleep...

So, how is it going? Well, too early to tell. But rest assured, you will know when the blog posts get more frequent - this time written in the brightness of daylight (smile). I leave you with more Spring flowers by the pool.

Celebrating Indian Cinema

I love Indian movies. There are hundreds of dialects in India. I speak three of them. My heritage is from Kerala (one of the states in India), which makes my mother tongue Malayalam. The neighboring state is Tamilnadu, where they speak Tamil. And then, there is Hindi which is spoken in North India. I am in no way fluent in any of them, but I won't get lost in India.

Indian movies are an absolute joy to watch. I am drawn to the Hindi and Tamil movies. They are pure escapism. Where reality and fantasy entwine to take you on an extravagant journey. Almost all of Indian cinema are musicals. Most of the stories have the same themes - romance, family, bad guys, good guys, rich girl falls in love with poor boy or vice versa, parents oppose and alls well that ends well. There is always an element of "karma" in the movies. The bad guys never win in the end. The best part is when the hero fights with the villian. No, make that 20 bad guys, and he beats them all up without breaking a sweat (grin). For a passive person like me, enjoying all the fighting with gusto is food for thought. Must be the "supporting the underdog" thing that I have.

Now it takes a fantastic director to tell the same old story in an original way. The music, the costumes, the cinematography, the choreography, the direction - all are incredible. These days, all the movies come with English subtitles. Now, the music is my favorite part. Indian music is usually a combination of classical and modern. My favorite musician - A. R. Rahman. Many of you have already heard and enjoyed his music in Slumdog Millionaire. Those of us who have been fans of Tamil movies have known and admired the "maestro" for many years.

Here is a song from the Tamil movie "Guru". The movie had three of my favorites - Mani Ratnam who directed the movie, A. R. Rahman who wrote the music and Aishwarya Rai, the gorgeous heroine. The song is about the rain and the freedom it brings. The heroine is ready to elope with her lover and seek her own freedom.

The Many Faces

I am a loner. I have been a loner from as far back as I can remember. Even as a child. I enjoyed being by myself. I loved to read, paint, watch people and imagine wonderful adventures. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't a lonely child, nor was I without friends. I had my own set of friends - people like me, who gravitated towards me (or was it me to them). Regardless, it was a great childhood.

When I went away to college, I learned something new about myself. I found out that when I let the extrovert in me out, when I went out of my way to seek friends, that the people that I attracted multiplied tenfold. I was surrounded by friends in college - the studious ones who taught me tenacity; the wild ones that skipped classes and dragged me to the movies; the fashionistas who taught me a thing or two about style; the gourmands who opened my eyes to relishing good food; the best friends whose generosity made me enjoy vacations in their wonderful homes and the list goes on....

I realized that I had a special gift. When I wholeheartedly gave of myself - the love, loyalty and gratefulness would reflect back on me. So, I used this special gift when I got to my working life in the U.S. I made so many friends with whom I still keep in touch. In fact, most of my great job opportunities have come from friends. Yet, throughout all this, the true me is still the introvert, the loner who enjoys time alone. From time to time, I still need to turn off the phone, the chatter, the exchanges for quiet time.

Today, I realize that I need the wonderful energy of good people around me as much as I enjoy my quiet time. Surprisingly, this same feeling exists in the online world too. I visit someone's blog; love what they write; then check out their blog links and visiting their favorites; and visit more links, etc. It is a whole new world, new friends, different focuses, new direction. The comments I get on my posts are the connections that I cherish. Which reminds me....time to go check out some blogs and leave some comments (smile). Ciao!

Being Grateful

I am a typical Gemini. Juggling many things, physically and mentally. My mind is rarely at rest. I work hard these days training it to rest. Meditation helps me do that. To just sit still or lie down and take 5 minutes to not think of anything. Yes, I know that is hard, isn't it? But, the more you practice, the better it gets.

So, why do it? Because it helps me get clarity on many things in my life. It gives me time to be grateful for the simple things. Things I often take for granted - like having good health to be able to clean my home, to have enough money to go grocery shopping, to have a roof over my head, to love and be loved by people, for my joie de vivre, to appreciate the goodness and kindness in my life.

This week, hubby and I took time out to plant some spring flowers. It was great to be working out in the yard. To feel the early morning sun, the clear blue skies, the neighbors stopping to chat, the simple pleasure of standing back and admiring our handiwork. Ah yes, even the bug bites, all part of a great day (smile).

The Bird And The Shrub

As you know, from time to time I share my views on spiritual books and teachings. In the spiritual world, energy is defined as the universal life force. That we are all (humans, animals, plants, etc.) part of this energy field. That we are all interconnected and related by this energy field.

Here is a true story about a bird and a shrub. Several years ago, my next door neighbors decided to finally put in some landscaping in the back yard. They are both wonderful people, doctors with very busy schedules. Our pools are located in the back yard. They spoke to us about planting three large shrubs at the center point of our properties. Over time these shrubs will give both of us plenty of privacy as we used our pools. Hubby and I thought it was a great idea. The shrubs looked beautiful the first year.

One day, hubby was sitting in the back lanai when he heard some chirping. He saw that there was a nest in the middle shrub with a baby bird in it. He sat watching as Mama bird flew off, came back with food and fed baby bird. He came in and told me about it. A few days later he was sitting outside again, reading the paper when he saw something big fly by through the corner of his eyes. He turned around just in time to see a Seagull fly down and snatch the baby bird and fly away. He was so stricken, had no time to scare the Seagull away. He came in and was so traumatized by the entire event. We both were upset by it.

A few days later, we went out and found that the middle shrub had suddenly died. Just like that. A perfectly healthy shrub, lost all its leaves and the branches shriveled and died. The neighbors got the landscapers to come out and replace the dead shrub with a new shrub. A few days later the new shrub died. So far, our neighbors have replaced the middle shrub three times, every single one died. The landscapers are flabbergasted, they have replaced the soil, fertilized, done everything possible, to no avail. Today, the middle shrub is still dead, as you can see from the photo - you can see through to the palms in the back.

We believe that the grief of that Mama bird lives in that area. The energy of a grief that is so intense that no living thing will live there any more. What do you think?