From My Friend Jan - Christmas Wishes

I met Jan while volunteering at the Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa. She was a patient at Moffitt. Looking back, what lingers in my mind is the incredible positive energy Jan and her family had. It was almost as if there was a live energy field that surrounded them. Jan mentioned her blog documenting her cancer journey. I began reading it. Sometimes I laughed, sometimes I cried. Her wonderful spirit and laughter is inspiring to be around. We began e-mailing each other. From time to time, I get these wonderful e-mails from Jan. They are too good not to share, so here is one that I received from her today. At first, I thought it was a letter she had written to her friends, but, as usual, her sense of humor sparkles...... :

Here is the e-mail

As Christmas approaches, I just want to thank you one and all for the e-mails you have forwarded to me over the past year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special e-mail programs. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gas without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan, and even Falkirk.

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will sh ** on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's gardener.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always read their e-mails while holding the mouse.

Don't bother taking your hand off it off now, it's too late!!!

Have a great Christmas!